Scars of the Past
by unknownwriter8
Summary: MODERN AU Rey ended the troubled relationship she had with Ben Solo/Kylo Ren four years ago after she had found out she was pregnant. Now that he has found her and is demanding to take part in their daughters life, he's coming back into Reys life as well.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

PLOT: Rey left Ben Solo/Kylo Ren four years ago, after she had found out she was pregnant. One day he comes back demanding to see their daughter.

Honestly, I suck at descriptions, but I've been Reylo trash since TFA came out, read so many good fanfictions and wanted to write a fanfiction about them all the time. I had the idea last night and started writing and this is the result. I'm german so I hope there aren't too many spelling or grammar mistakes, but if there are, I'm sorry. I'm happy about everyone who decides to read this and might leave a comment, because I'm not sure if I'll continue it.

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"Mommy, wake up!", the voice of her daughter made Rey wake up. Still tired from another night plagued by dreams about dark brown eyes and the helplessness that she had felt after she had found out she was pregnant four years ago, she opened her eyes.

Ivy looked at her with a smile that spread from one side of her face to the other and instantly blew away any bad feelings that remained from her dreams.

Her brown locks looked like the wild mane of her lion, completely scattered around her head and her brown eyes looked at her with an expectant expression.

Ivy looked like her father in many ways. Her hair, her facial features and the way she moved in a controlled and graceful way, even though she was only three years old, made it impossible for Rey to deny the resemblance to her father, but it did not stop her from trying from time to time.

She had left Ivys father a week after she had found out she was pregnant. She did not tell him anything about the pregnancy, about Ivy being born. They had a tumultuous on-off-relationship before she left him and Rey knew deep inside he might have loved her, but his work in his grandfathers' law firm had always been and would always be more important to him than anything else. She did not want a father for her child who was barely at home and had no time to establish a relationship with his daughter, because there were new clients at the firm needing his attention.

Sure, she could have told him and left him anyway or make him pay for the child but they money would not have made up for the time he would not be spending with his child.

The thought of terminating the pregnancy came to her mind once, after her boss Unkar Plutt fired her after she told him about her condition and she was not able to pay the rent for her small studio apartment anymore, but was after all no option for her. She loved her baby from the first day it existed and continued to fight, not only for herself but for the wellbeing of Ivy.

When she was five months pregnant Rey was forced out of her apartment and found herself on the doorstep of a small Inn at the edge of the city. Luckily she had saved some money to pay for the small apartment Poe Dameron, the owner of the small Inn generously gave her. Over the time they established a friendship and Poe even offered her a job as a maid. She only worked as a maid a few months before she gave birth to Ivy, but as she started working again he offered her a promotion as the receptionist at the Inn.

Rey loved working at the "Resistance Inn" and she was thankful for Poe recognizing it. She loved helping visitors check in and out, describing to them which places around the Inn they had to see, but most of all she loved the atmosphere existing in the whole Inn and being so close to her child. She could leave Ivy in her crib on the second floor and only take the baby-phone with her to hear if Ivy was crying or not. When she first set foot in it, she never thought that one time it would feel like home in the way that it does now.

As a kid she herself never had a home. Her parents, probably unable to take care of a baby for whatever reason, abandoned her before she was even old enough to get to know them and she was pushed around in foster care system, from one family to another, unsuccessful in building stable relationships with them. When she was younger she had wondered many times, if her features would be more like her mothers or if she was as stubborn as her father and imagined them one day returning to her.

Getting pregnant at 19 changed her perspective and made her grow up. Made her realize that she did not need to wonder about what could have been, but about what would be in the future. Her future was Ivy, who was now directly looking into her eyes, impatiently waiting for her mother to finally stop daydreaming.

With her eyebrows in a frown, she looked even more like her father. How often had she seen him sitting at his desk, frowning at the inability of his least favorite Co-Worker with the strange name Hux.

Rey tried to control the knot in her stomach occurring when she thought of her ex-boyfriend and instead took her daughter in her arms. Ivys scent was sweet, innocent and her laugh as Rey started to tickle her made every bad feeling instantly go away.

Her body was small for her age and she was slim. Both characteristics she inherited from her mother. Poe had often told Rey that she should eat more, but she was just used to the necessary amount of food, simply because she had not been able to afford more before he promoted her. In Ivys case however was she still amazed how much food sometimes fit into her little belly and how she stayed so slim after all. She guessed that running around like a little whirlwind and playing tag with Poe and the other staff of the Inn must do that to her daughter.

"Stop it, Mommy!", screamed her daughter in a high-pitched voice as she was able to catch her breath. For a split second Rey stopped tickling her, just to attack her a few moments later again. Ivy started giggling, shaking her legs and tried to tickle her mother as well. With a bright smile Rey let go of her and checked her phone.

She had forgotten to set an alarm, but thankfully she could trust her daughter on days like this. Ivy had a habit of waking up early, like many other children her age and the urge of wanting to explore the world before the sun rose in the sky. She loved outdoors, learning the names of trees and animals living in the areas around the Inn. Most of all, she loved the place where she would learn all of it: Preschool.

Rey had been unsure if she should let Ivy go to preschool after she turned three but Poe convinced her of doing so. She had heard many horror stories of children hating their preschool and throwing tantrums if they had to go there, but with Ivy thankfully everything was easy. Rey drove her there before she started to work and picked her up, when her lunch break started, let her take a nap in their little apartment on the second floor and went back to work. When she was finished she went back to their apartment, woke Ivy up of she had not woken up by herself and cooked dinner.

"Mommy", Ivy stood up on the soft mattress. Her hands on her hips made her look incredibly sassy, "we have to get up".

"But first you have to give me a kiss", answered Rey, pulling her daughter closer to her. Ivy giggled and kissed her on the lips, before she jumped of the bed. She wore her favorite Peppa Pig Pajamas, even though they looked baggy on her because Rey bought them a size bigger as usual for Ivy to grow into.

The floor of Reys bedroom was cold and she shuddered, before closing the big window over her bed. It had snowed overnight. Ivy will love that, she thought and smiled to herself, while she followed Ivy into her bedroom. The room was very small, but it had two big windows which flooded the room with light. Ivys little bed stood directly under them, next to a box with her Barbie dolls and other toys. On the dresser standing across at the right side of the room stood many different pictures of Ivy and Rey and a framed paper of marks of Ivys little footprints, taken just hours after she was born.

Rey quickly dressed her daughter in her favorite Rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeer sweater and dark jeans and tamed her hair in a French braid, before she went back to her own room and made her bed.

The furniture in her room consisted only of her big bed, a dresser and a mirror on the wall, but it was enough for her. She did not need more.

The main room of the apartment was much more comfortable. Rey had been able to afford a nice table with six chairs, cupboards, a stove, a fridge and a dishwasher. In the left corner of the room stood a couch formerly from the reception area of the Inn and a small TV, that was rarely used by Rey. Reys favorite pictures of Ivy and her were scattered on every wall in the small apartment, next to some paintings Ivy had drawn and given to Rey.

With quick movements, she prepared a lunchbox for Ivy and packed it in her little pink backpack. She finished getting ready just in time, for her daughter demanding to drive her to school.

With her daughter on her left hand and her car keys and gloves in the right, she took the stairs leading to the reception area of the Inn. Poe was already standing behind the desk, wearing a beige sweater, matching the color of the walls and a dark blue pair of jeans. He smiled seeing Ivy, who had freed herself from her mothers' hand, running toward him and opened his arms to catch her at full speed.

"Mommy is driving me to preschool!", she said, smiling at Poe.

"That's great, Ivy", he answered politely and sat her down.

"Are you coming to?".

"She never asks me that, you know", Rey said, pulling the gloves over Ivys small hands, "you should definitely feel honored".

"Oh, I am, I am really honored", Poe looked at Rey before turning his attention back to the little girl looking up to him, "but sadly I can't. I have to work and then I'm going to meet someone".

"Maybe tomorrow", Ivy answered with a hopeful tone in her voice. Poe just nodded, still smiling.

"You're meeting the hot guy you told me so much about?", Rey padded him playfully on the shoulder, cutting of the conversation between Poe and Ivy. Poe blushed.

"What was his name?".

"Finn. His name was Finn".

"You have to tell me everything when I come back", said Rey thrilled, "every little thing".

"I promise", Poe nodded, still blushing, "and you have fun at Preschool, Ivy".

"I will", answered the little girl with much confidence in her voice, before grabbing her mothers hand again, "thank you".

By the time Rey and her daughter reached the parking lot behind the Inn, Rey was completely chilled through. She did not expect it was that cold outside. Her only hope for not freezing to death was that the heating vent in her car was working and not affected by the cold weather.

Relief flooded her body, after she had buckled Ivy up in her booster seat, as she tried for the third time to start her old car and it finally did.

Nearly the whole drive to the Preschool Ivy asked why Mommy called the guy Poe was meeting "hot" and what it meant, but Rey dodged answering her successfully. Instead they talked in the remaining time about how the snowman they are going to build should look like. They came to the conclusion that he will have to make do with a zucchini as a nose because Rey did not have carrots at home.

While parking the car and going back to the entrance of the Inn, Rey was as thrilled as her daughter for building a snowman and the cold did not seem to bother her anymore.

She nearly crossed the whole parking lot, before she recognized a black, polished BMW parked between snowbound cars. Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. She knew that car. The changed license plate gave her at least a little bit of hope, but her legs began to feel shaky as she was going back to the entrance of the Inn.

It could not be. It simply could not be. Why would he be here?

"Poe?", she asked stepping into the place that made her feel like home. The whole room was empty. From the stereo behind the dark brown, wooden reception played a piece from "Tchaikovsky". Reys steps echoed through the room, as she went up a few steps on the stairs. Her mind was racing with endless possibilities how he could have found out about Ivy and her.

"Poe?", she failed in trying to sound confident and controlling the knot in her stomach she already felt in the morning, "you promised you'd tell me everything about Finn. C'mon I want to know it all".

She sighed as she heard steps coming from the library next to the reception area.

"Oh God, Poe, I really thought he was here", Rey stated as she started walking toward the door to the library.

While he came to her sight, Reys heart skipped a beat seeing the smile usually being glued on his face replaced by a serious expression. He was here. Poe knew his face from the pictures she never showed Ivy. The ones she kept save in a little box beneath her bed. He had found out. He probably found out about Ivy. Or did he?

Rey knew one thing, if he did not know about his daughter, she would not tell him. She knew, Poe had not, for sure. She would protect her little girl from getting hurt.

Poes footsteps were closely followed by others and it did not take long, before Rey stood before the father of her child. She took a step back and tried to look confident, even though she felt as if she was going to pass out any second.

He had changed over the years. His shoulder had grown broader and he had shaved his beard. He let his hair grow now, it nearly reached his neck. Overall he seemed to have grown some centimeter, but Rey knew that was impossible. He was 32 when she last saw him, a grown man, they do not grow anymore. He just looked more intimidating in his black coat, suit, tie and shirt. Rey could not help herself but wonder if he possessed clothes in a different color than black. Four years ago he did.

His brown eyes wandered down on her and she had the urge to cover her body with her hands although she was wearing a beige button-down shirt and a black skirt. When his brown eyes met hers, she saw his cold expression and felt a shiver going down her spine. Silently she in- and exhaled deeply, before breaking the Silence.

"Ben".

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Wow, if you made it this far, thanks for reading it!

Let me know what you think and if I should continue writing it!


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

Thanks to the ones who are already following my story! I'm really happy about that! Here's the next chapter! I wrote it at 4 AM in the morning and proof-read only once, so excuse spelling or grammar mistakes.

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"Ben".

"It's Kylo Ren now", answered Reys ex-boyfriend. She realized the tone with which he spoke. It could not be colder. There was no sign of affection toward her.

"Kylo Ren?", Rey repeated. A few years ago she would have laughed, if he had told her he that he changed his name from Ben Solo to Kylo Ren, but the current situation made it impossible for her. She just stood there, in front of her ex-boyfriend whom she never thought she would see again. Only Ivy being at Preschool gave her a hint of feeling relieved, but still there was the possibility of Ben already knowing about her.

"Yes", Rey felt like the way he was talking to her, was like the way he usually talked to his clients. Clinical and detached. Ben, or Kylo as he called himself now, was one of the best defenders in town. It was a mystery to Rey how he already defended even the worst criminals from a long prison sentence or going to jail. Maybe it was the way he moved, controlled and dignified, that made everybody have respect for him or feel intimidated by him. She had seen him at court once. The expression on his face looked like he was wearing a mask, cold and arrogant. He seemed superior to everybody else, radiating pure self-confidence.

His expression had changed when he was with her. He still looked confident, not in the arrogant way he did at court but in a way that made Rey feel attracted to him. His expression was never soft mainly due to his hard facial features, but when he had looked at it changed. He had started to smile more and when he did Reys heart started beating in an irregular pace. He had a warmth in his eyes, a sign of affection, when he had looked at her, that was completely gone now. Rey felt as if he was wearing the mask, he wore at court, while he looked at her. His eyes completely fixed on hers. No sign of affection in them.

"Why?".

"It's not necessary to acknowledge the reasons".

Rey shrugged. She was not interested in knowing what brought him to abandoning the name his parents gave him. She did not learn much about Kylos parents or the relationship he had with them, but when she had heard the way he talked to them over the phone, angry and with no respect, she did not ask him about it, in order to prevent fighting with him. After telling him once, that she thought it would be important to cherish your family if you had one and they had gotten into a nasty fight which lead to the first of many break-ups.

They regularly made up every few weeks after they had spent some time apart, but were pulled back to each other like magnets. It was toxic, but they at that time Rey nor Kylo had wanted to be without the other. Finding out she was pregnant, had provided Rey with a reason for completely cutting off any connection she had to Kylo. A child needed a stable environment and that definitely had not been the case if she had stayed with Kylo.

"What do you want here?", Rey tried to sound as confident as Kylo did, while she straightened herself up and forced herself to take a few steps toward Poe and Kylo. Poe, clearly uncomfortable with the situation and standing next to Reys ex-boyfriend, tried to smile politely.

"You know why I'm here, Rey", a shudder went down her spine as he spoke her name.

"I don't", she answered, her hands clenched to fists, "I haven't heard from you for four years".

Kylo sighed and started to circle her. His steps echoed through the whole room and Rey felt her skin tickle as he did not let her of his sight.

"I know about the child, our child".

Rey swallowed hard and stayed silent. She wished that it all would be a bad dream from which she would wake up any minute. She did not understand why he would come here. There was no possible explanation for him coming here. He did not care about anything else than his work so why would he come here wanting to get to know his daughter?

"She's mine, not ours", Rey spat out, angry at his choice of words, "you weren't here".

"That's because you didn't tell me", Kylo did not raise his voice, but Rey could see in his body language how angry he was. It surprised her.

"I protected her!".

"From me?".

"Yes from you".

"Why?".

"Do I really need to answer this question?", Rey felt anger growing inside her. He could not be that oblivious.

"Yes, I'd love to hear your answer".

"I protected her from you!", Rey said, "You wouldn't have cared about her like you didn't care about me! You just worked, worked and worked!".

"You're lying to yourself! I cared about you!".

"Sure, when you needed someone to have sex with or when you had time to spare, but you would leave me the minute you'd got a call from the office!".

Kylo crossed his arms and looked at her. The tension in the room was thick, nearly overwhelming Rey, but what she said was true. Kylo knew that and it just reassured Rey that her decision had been right.

"How did you find out?".

"I hired a private investigator, after Snoke told me he saw you with a little girl somewhere in the city", answered Kylo coldly.

"You did what? Are you serious?!", Anger overwhelmed Rey, as she went up to Kylo. She had always been careful when she went into the city with Ivy, afraid of someone that knew Kylo seeing her with a child, but out of all things it had to be the boss of Kylo who had seen her and ratted her out.

Kylo had to look down at her, because of their height difference. The knot in her stomach came back as she looked at him, realizing how his daughter had inherited most of his facial features.

"I did what I had to do, Rey", she saw him trying to stop a smirk from creeping onto his lips, "I have rights, you know".

"You're unbelievable!", Rey screamed, "I know you got rights, but I raised her. I taught her how to walk, how to talk. I was there for her! I am always there for her. She's my everything!".

"I could have been too if you had told me!", Kylos voice grew louder too, "but you held these experiences back from me! You decided what was best for her, without asking me. You didn't even tell me you were pregnant. You just left with a note saying you couldn't do this anymore. I am her father, Rey!".

"Oh, you're sure you are? Who told you that? The private investigator you hired?", Rey snapped at him, "did you ever think about the possibility of her not being yours before you came here? Maybe you weren't the only one with whom I've fucked with!"

"Oh, come on, Rey! Don't be childish. We were in love back then. You would not have cheated on me and I did not cheat on you", Kylo controlled himself better than Rey did, vene though she was sure he was as angry as she was, "anyhow, that is not important. Either way I want a paternity test and if I'm her father, which I'm sure will be the case, I want to see her regularly and if you deny me the right to see my child, we can settle this at court. You know, that in that way there won't be a positive outcome for you. So in the end it's your choice. You let me see her regularly and we'll have an agreement or you can be sure to lose her forever".

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Thank you for reading another chapter!

Let me know what you think and if you liked it, because that makes me happy and happy writers write more!


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

 **Thank you** to everyone who favorited my story and to those who left such kind remarks. I hope you all like this chapter. I kinda had a difficult time to write, but in the end it got better.

The rest of the notes are at the end of the chapter :)

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For a brief moment Rey was completely at a loss for words. Kylos' words echoed in her head, but she did not understand them. She needed some time to process what he was telling her to understand how he was threatening her.

"You're obnoxious!", she slammed her hands against his chest. It felt like it was made of stone. Cold from the winter air and unbreakable. Invincible.

The anger burning in her chest was overwhelming her. The way he talked to made her feel so helpless. The worst thing was, that she knew what he said was true. Kylo knew how to act around the people at court. He knew what he had to say, how he had to act for them to understand his position. Simply because it was his job. He possessed power there and he had money. More money than Rey. He could provide Ivy with anything she would ask him to buy for her, from a doll to a dog.

"How dare you to come here and threaten me?!", Rey tried to push Kylo again to get him further away from her, but he caught her hands with his before they could hit his chest again. His grip was tight, nearly to tight and his hands radiated heat on Reys' cold hands. Kylo held her hands in his for a few seconds, looking into her eyes.

Rey felt small. Smaller than she already was. It seemed as if he could see through her, as if he could read everything racing through her mind. His eyes were dark, darker than she remembered them to be and she wished to see something reassuring her that he still had compassion for her. It was in vain. The expression in his eyes was as cold as it had been when he had first laid eyes on her in the reception area of the Inn.

"Let go of me!", she freed her hands from his grip and crossed them in front of her chest. Her heart was pounding so fast she was afraid it would jump out of her body.

"I'm not threatening you", Kylo said calmly, "I'm her father, Rey. I know that you probably ignored the fact for the time that has passed since you left me, but now is the time when you need to accept it. I'm her father, I'm here and I will get to know her, one way or another. It's my responsibility and I will fulfill it, no matter what you do".

Rey just looked at him unable to move or to speak. She was impressed by what he had said, about the way he seemingly wanted to care, even though his choice of words intimated her at the same time. He had been right when he said that she had tried to ignore the fact that he was Ivys' father. She had tried and failed miserably every time she had looked at her daughter. Him being here was another point on the list, that made it impossible for her to forget about her daughters' father.

Tears were welling up in her eyes, but she tried to keep them from rolling down her cheeks. She would not give Kylo the pleasure of seeing her cry. Not after the four years that had passed since she had seen him for the last time.

"Listen, Kylo, Ben, whatever your name is", Poe had watched Kylo and her fight from a safe distance but came up to them now. He must have seen the despair in Reys's eyes. As he stood between Rey and Kylo, she was finally able to in- and exhale again, even if it was just flat. The tension that had build up in her body over the last minutes, stayed with her nonetheless.

"You better leave now", Kylo had opened his mouth, but Poe was the faster one to speak. He was not much taller than Rey, so he had to raise his head as well in order to look at Kylos' face.

Rey could not see the expression of Poes', but Kylos' made it clear how much he disapproved of Poe stepping in. The way he frowned at him instantly reminded her of Ivy.

"Listen, Poe", answered Kylo, after he had read the name tag Poe wore on his sweater, "it's Kylo Ren".

Kylo grabbed something from the inside pocket of his jackett. It was a small card, grey with his name, his phone number from work and his private number printed on it in black letters. Rey took it from his hand that he had reached out to her, even though her fingers were trembling.

"Call me in the next two days and tell me what decision you made", Kylo told her, putting his coat on in one swift motion. He had nearly reached the door, before he turned around and looked at Rey: "if you haven't decided by Saturday, I'll come back here and I doubt that our child won't be here, like it is the case today. I hate to repeat myself but remember I'll get to know her, no matter what you decide, Rey. I can take whatever I want and if you didn't realize it yet, I want to tell you that what I just said, was a thread".

The door was not completely closed yet, as the world started spinning before Reys' eyes. She felt as if she was drowning, not being able to in- and exhale deeply. The fast pace of her heartbeat made her feel afraid of having a heart attack every minute. The little card Kylo had given her clenched in her fist, she started shaking.

"What a dick", Poe said, stil looking at the door through which Kylo had just exited the room.

"I can't breathe", Rey barely got the words out between her hurried breaths, as Poe turned around, his eyes growing bigger as he realized what was happening, "I can't breathe, Poe".

He took her hands, which had already started get numb and lead her to the dark orange couch standing at the right wall of the room. When he sat down next to her, he put her hands on his chest.

"Focus on my breathing, Rey", he told her calmly, fixating her eyes with his, "I think you're having a panic attack. Just breathe. It'll all be alright".

She wanted to tell him how overwhelmed and intimidated she felt, how anything would not be alright again, but all she could manage were hurried breaths. Her head was pounding so hard, she felt as if she was going to pass out.

"Breathe, Rey".

Slowly but surely she finally managed to concentrate on the way Poes was breathing in and out and the way his chest rose and sank. The world was still spinning around her, but she was able to take a few deep breaths and fill her lungs with air. The burning sensation she had felt a few seconds ago was gone.

She looked at her hands, which she started to feel again and lifted them from Poes chest. He looked extremely worried.

"I don't know what to do, Poe", Rey started, in- and exhaling again, "I don't know what to do".

Tears were shamelessly rolling down her face, dripping from her face down to her black skirt. She did not have to hold them back anymore. Poe took her in his arms. Her thoughts were speeding recklessly in her head, so fast she was not able to follow. Rey had never felt so overwhelmed before, like she did now. She had never imagined in her head what would happen if she would meet Kylo again, but she could not think of any scenario that being worse than the one that just happened.

He had already won. Like he said, he would meet Ivy, no matter which option she would choose. Although she did not have much of a choice. She simply would not be able to afford a lawyer, so good he could win a case against Kylo.

Overwhelmed by her emotions, she cried on Poes chest until there were no tears left.

She could not have wished for a better friend than Poe. After she had cried herself out, he told her to go to her apartment and rest, instead of welcoming new visitors behind the reception desk. He had called someone else, Rey did not hear whom, from the staff, who would handle she tasks Rey usually did. Before she went upstairs, he had given her the little grey card she had nearly forgotten on the couch and had told her, that no matter which decision she would make, he would always help her.

Rey did not sleep at all after she had washed her face, but just laying on her bed and staring at the ceiling helped to get even the last remaining's of her headache disappear. Her thoughts kept screaming at her and a vision of Kylos dark eyes flashed before her eyes every time she blinked, all the way from the apartment to when she drove to Ivys preschool and had picked her up, but she tried to ignore them the best way she could.

As they had finished lunch, which consisted of store-bought mac'n'cheese, Ivy did not want to take a nap, so Rey and her played with some of her dolls. When Ivy finally feel asleep after Rey hold read her at least five books, she felt as if there was not a single drop of strength left in her body, but decided to take a shower anyways.

The hot water was soothing and relaxing. Just what she needed. The tension of the whole day seemed to be leaving her body, while the water was cleansing her skin. Stepping out of the shower, only putting her white robe on, she silently went back into Ivys room. A warm feeling began radiating from her heart, filling her whole body, as she looked at her little child. Ivy was completely tangled up in her blanket, her little limbs spread from her body, like a starfish. Some of her brown locks had freed themselves out of the French braid, were wet with sweat and stuck to her small forehead. The fairy lights, which Poe had put up for Ivy, were sparking and preventing the darkness from completely entering the little girls room. Ivy had been afraid of the dark, like any child her age, but as soon as Poe had put up the lights she had felt safe.

Sometimes when she had a bad dream, she crawled into Reys bed, who instantly pulled her closer and held her in her arms until they woke up in the morning. Rey cherished those nights. They way her child cuddled into her, Ivys sweet scent and the way she looked at her in the morning, with a bright smile, were memories she would never forget.

She did not want that to stop.

Extremely careful of not waking Ivy up she gently stroked the hair out of her daughters face, while she kept looking at her innocent face. She was completely unaware of what was going on around her.

Slowly she walked out of Ivys room back into her own. Her phone, which was laying on the bed made a beeping sound, so she went over and looked at it.

"It'll all be alright. I'm with you". She smiled at Poes massage, thanked him quickly and wished him good luck for his date. When she put back her phone, she saw the little crumbled up card laying next to her on the bed. Images of Kylo flashed before her eyes, followed by those of Ivy tangled up in her bed. Even though her heart felt incredibly heavy and she felt it was starting to pound heavily again, Rey realized she could not outrun the decision, she knew she had already made.

The knot in her stomach grew stronger, while she dialed the second number on the little card. She did not have to wait long before he picked up.

"I just want to talk", Rey said.

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I honestly love writing this fic. I have written some little things before, but I've never had that much fun that I have now. The dynamic between Kylo and Rey ist so interesting, in TFA as in ModernAUs and I just dig it so much. Besides that I love to write slow-burn fics and I hope I'm not completely ruining it + I'm hopefully not ruining the characters. I'm trying my best to make them seem realistic. :)

Other characters will also make an appearance soon enough (very excited about that!) :)

I'd love to hear your opinion about the chapter!

And thank you for reading it! :)

(I hope there aren't too many mistakes)


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

notes at the end of the chapter.

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Rey only talked to Kylo for ten minutes. She still felt weird calling him by his new name.

He had still been at the office. Even though she still felt angry deep inside about the way he had treated and threatened her earlier, she told him that she had made her decision about letting him see his daughter. They agreed to meet up on the next day, in the coffee shop in the heart of the city. Kylo would come to pick her up in her lunch break and they would drive to town together. She had declined his offer at first, saying she could drive by herself there, but he persisted on him coming to the Inn and picking her up. Rey did nor have the strength nor the need to fight about such an insignificant thing, so she gave in. He had hung up quickly after that, saying he had to finish his work.

Rey felt as if she had run several miles after the call. Her palms were sweaty, her head was throbbing and her heart was beating in that fast pace again, that it had already did when she had fought with Kylo.

Sitting on her bed, she texted one of the mothers of Ivys friends of preschool if she could pick her up tomorrow and apologized that it was at such short notice. Thankfully she did not mind.

Once again she went back into Ivys room seeing that her daughter had completely changed her sleeping position. She was lying on her side, her legs stretched and her little arms pulling her blanket closer to her. The view of her daughter calmed her, so much that her heart slowly began to beat in a normal pace again.

When she went back to her room and laid in her bed, she had almost convinced herself that she had made the right decision. Getting into a custody battle would harm Ivy more than meeting her father, Rey told herself once again before she felt the exhaustion of the day wash over her and drifted off to sleep.

She woke up early in the morning, even earlier than Ivy did, after some hours of sleep. The sun was starting to rise and turning the white color of her walls into a dark orange. With a sigh Rey got up. She opened the window she had left closed for the night, because of the cold weather outside and breathed in the crisp November air. Trying to ignore the nausea and excitement that reeked havoc in the pit of her stomach, she waited for the cold air to replace the thick, warm air that had accumulated over night in her room.

After putting on a pair of dark blue jeans and an off-white colored sweater, she went into the kitchen and prepared breakfast for Ivy. Rey would not talk of herself as a good cook, but she still managed to cook pancakes shaped like Mickie Mouse and was pretty proud of that ability. She woke Ivy up after she had finished preparing breakfast and watched her daughter jump with excitement as she looked on her plate. While Ivy devoured roughly four pancakes, Rey only managed to get one of them down. She had tried to listen to the things her daughter had tried to tell her, something about horses and princesses, but she did not remember anything about it when she walked down the stairs to the reception area.

She had quickly talked to Poe, telling him she decided to meet up with Kylo in her lunch break, while her daughter played with her toy on the orange couch, unaware of the changes the day would certainly bring. Before Rey left Ivys preschool she hugged her daughter tight, tighter than usual, telling her how much she loved her.

The hours at work went by fast, almost too fast for Reys taste. Poe had told her everything about his date with Finn, what he liked about him and had beamed all the way through it. It made Rey happy to seem him like this, excited and joyful, so that the nausea which had plaguing her since the early morning hours disappeared for some time.

He had asked her once after she came back from preschool if she wanted to talk about Kylo, but she quickly denied it. He promised her again that he would have her back no matter what would happen in the next hours.

Rey was thankful for that. Poe was the first real friend she did ever have, after years of being neglected by her foster families and the bad relationship she had with Kylo. It took her some time to get used to him caring about her and later caring about Ivy, but gladly she did in the end.

She was just talking to a former guest who wanted to book a room for yet another visit, as the main door opened and Kylo stepped in. Rey in- and exhaled deeply, before telling the customer that everything would be ready for his visit and signaling her ex-boyfriend that she would be ready in some minutes. He understood her gesture and nodded, the snowflakes in his hair and on his shoulder contrasting his black coat. He seemed out of place, too tall and too dark, as he wandered around in the small reception area which was painted in the light color beige.

Rey quickly wrote Poe a note saying she would try to come as soon as possible and put on her jacket which was hanging over the chair behind her, before she went up to Kylo.

She recognized that he still seemed tense, but not as tense as he did when he first came to the Inn. The dark shadows under his eyes gave away that he did not get much of a goodnights rest as well.

"Are you ready?", he asked, looking down at her. Rey simply nodded. From the library echoed the laughter of some guest through the room and followed them as they went up to the door. Kylo had reached the handle before she did, holding the heavy wooden door open for her. Rey knew she was blushing, caught off guard by his gesture and quickly looked away.

His whole car smelled exactly like Kylo, minty and fresh with a slight undertone of cedar wood. She had always liked it.

"You've made the right decision, Rey", stated Kylo as he started his car, breaking the awkward silence, that had stayed with them from the moment they had exited the Inn until they had gotten into the car.

"I know", answered Rey, her eyes glued on the road.

She felt uncomfortable sitting so close to him, even if it was for a couple of minutes. He, on the other hand, was better at hiding the way he was feeling behind a mask of an emotionless expression, racing his way into the city and cutting of other cars in the process in a way that made Rey gasp several times.

He opened the door to the coffee shop for her again. This time Rey expected it, saying a quick "thank you" as she entered the crowded room. It was no sign of affection, more one of the good manners, he had been taught.

Nothing had changed in the "Café Continental". In three of the four walls were windows built in, that matched the length of the wall and let the sunlight flood the room. The counter was made of dark wood and in the display next to it stood the best cakes in the city. The wall behind it was painted bright orange with white dots.

As they walked through the coffee shop to one of the free tables next to the big windows, Rey did realize how everyone was staring at Kylo and her. His dark clothes did not match the friendly atmosphere of the coffee shop and attracted attention. There were mainly students from the university a few streets away from here sitting in the dark wooden chairs and bright orange couches, but they all wore big sweater, leggings or a pair of washed up jeans.

It reminded her of the time she had met Kylo here for the first time.

It had been a hot August morning. The city was buzzing with people. She had just finished school and was running from one job interview to another, so that she would finally be able to afford her own place. She still knew how tired she had felt and how shitty she must have looked coming back from yet another unsuccessful job interview, desperate for caffeine to wake her up again. Kylo had ordered before she did, but she did not hear it. He stood a few steps away from the counter, so that she did not see him at all or ignored him, while she desperately waited for the barista to finish her coffee. She had grabbed the first cup, the barista had put on the counter, not seeing the name written on it.

The moment she had wanted to cross street next to the "Café Continental" and had nearly finished the coffee she heard someone call her name. Bewildered she had turned around, just to see Kylo, when his name was still Ben come toward her, a shy grin on his face. She did not remember what he wore on that day, she just knew that it had not been something black. He did have something about him, which had intrigued Rey from the first moment she had met him. Maybe his dark eyes, or the hair that was not completely tamed as it is now, but had looked more tousled.

"I think you took my coffee", he had said, pointing to the name on the cup she was holding. Rey had apologized for the mistake, offering to give him back his money, but he politely declined. Just as she had begun to walk away, he had called her name again and made her promise to meet him the next morning at the "Café Continental". She did.

"Rey", Kylos voice woke her up from her daydreams, "do you want something else other than coffee?".

"No", she said quickly. He put his coat over one of the two chairs standing at the table, before he went up to the counter. Rey watched him from behind after she had sat down and had taken off her jacket as well. It surprised her that he did not wear his suit today, but a pair of dark jeans and a long-sleeved dark grey shirt. Not seeing him in his work attire made her feel a little bit more comfortable.

She must have stared at him, recognizing the way his muscles moved under the tight shirt, because he turned his head and looked directly into her eyes. His gaze was intense, making Rey feel a shiver down her spine and then quickly looking away. She waited to look up until he returned, holding two steaming hot cups of coffee and she was sure the pink color on her cheeks had vanished.

He did even drink his coffee black, other than Rey who always put cream and at least three spoons of sugar in it, after she had been pregnant with Ivy.

The coffee was still too hot to drink it, so Rey put her hands around the cup and let the warmth radiate on her skin. After some time, she felt Kylos gaze on her.

"You said you wanted to talk", he started with no sign of kindness in his voice, while he kept looking at her, "start talking then".

"Yes", Rey straightened herself up, while trying not to be intimidated by him. His face had lost even the little bits of softness, that were still there five years ago. His facial features were hard, with an expression in his eyes that was as cold as it had been when he had come to the "Resistance Inn" for the first time. The way his hair was tousled after he had ran his hand through them to get the snowflakes out, reminded Rey of the Ben she once knew. He was still handsome.

"You can see Ivy", Rey started, "but under my conditions".

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her pounding heart.

"Her name's Ivy?".

"Yes", Rey answered, "I liked that name. I still do. It fits her".

"That's great if you like it", he sneered, stirring his coffee.

"What would you have wanted to name her?", she curiously asked him for his answer, as he was so openly disapproving of the name.

"Oh, the name is fine", he took a sip of his coffee, "I just think I'd like it better, if we had discussed it before".

"If you want an apology for me not telling you about the pregnancy, it's not going to happen. I had my reasons and it was the right decision for me", she blurted out.

"I know that you think that it was the right decision for you, Rey, you made that very clear".

Rey closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath, feeling the anger rise in her chest again. She reminded herself again that she did not came here to fight with him.

"Maybe it wasn't fair", she began, beginning to get more nervous and fiddling at her sweater, "but I can't change it and we're here now for Ivys wellbeing. I want her to have a great childhood. You say you are her father, that you have responsibilities, so you should want that to. It doesn't help if you hold this grudge against me and outlive it in front of her. Kids can sense bad feelings".

Kylo looked at her, silently, before he nodded. Rey recognized something flickering behind his eyes for such a short time, she nearly missed it. It looked like a mixture of sadness and anger taking control over him for a brief moment, before he was able to gain back his composure.

"That is the main point of my conditions. I want us to act civil around Ivy. She needs to know that we don't hate each other. You can have her from Friday to Sunday, I'll have her from Monday to Friday evening. I'd like to change the schedule every two weeks, so that I'll have some free time at the weekend too", Rey took a sip from her coffee, nearly burning her lips, "if you have her, I want you to have time for her. She is only three, she needs some time to get to know you and that can't happen if you're working all the time. Besides that, she needs all your attention, because little children quickly hurt themselves or eat things they shouldn't if you don't keep an eye on them. If, I mean, when she visits you, she needs to have her own room. She doesn't like the darkness, so you'll need to buy something like fairy lights for her to prevent her from having bad dreams".

Rey had a habit of talking to fast when she was overly excited or nervous, so she had to slow herself down.

"I understand", Kylo says calmly, typing the things she had said in his phone. Even the large phone seemed small in his hands: "my apartment has two rooms, so that won't be a problem. I'll buy furniture for the room in the next days".

"I'm not finished yet", said Rey, "do you have a girlfriend?".

Kylo shook his head. That's what she had expected. Where would he have time for a girlfriend beside his work. He did not have time for her four years ago.

"If you have Ivy, I don't want that you present her to any girl that came over once. If our daughter meets someone, she gets attached very quickly. I don't want her to be heartbroken, when something doesn't work out".

"That's reasonable", Kylo looked into her eyes again, waiting a few seconds before he asked Rey, "but did you follow the same rule with your boyfriend?".

"My what?".

"The guy at the Inn. He seemed as if he had the urgent need to protect you from anything evil in this world. Small, but he acted like a tough guy", Kylo seemed dead serious, even though his voice was practically dripping with sarcasm.

"You didn't think Poe was my boyfriend, did you?", she said, amused by the thought "I'm not really his type, but you might be".

"What?".

"He's gay. My best friend, not my boyfriend".

"Oh".

There was a moment of silence between them. Rey looked though the Café. The attention of the other guests had shifted from Kylo, back to the people next to them. She did not like being alone, but prefered it if a room was full of people. After years in which she had been abandoned by her foster families and having no one to really talk to, she loved listening to the nuzzled voices in the Café. The sunlight shone through the window, making the wall behind the counter look like a burning fire.

"I respect your conditions. I have some myself", he put his phone down and cleared his throat, before he began to speak again, "I want her to transfer from a public preschool to a private one. She'll get the best education there and will be prepared for the private school she'll go to later".

"No. I went to a public school and it didn't harm me", Rey said, "I don't want her to grow up thinking she's blue-blooded and therefore better than others, just because she had gone to a private school. She has friends there, you know".

"I do know that, but I want my child to get the best education possible and that's only the case there. She won't lose her friends by going to a better school".

It still felt weird for Rey hearing Kylo call Ivy "my child". She had no other choice but trying to accustom herself to it sooner or later.

"I don't have the money to pay for her education".

"I would pay for everything", he declared.

"I'm paying you one half back", she insisted, wiping her damp hands on her jeans.

"I don't need your money", he said, a slight tone of arrogance accompanying his voice. She did not want his money. She did not want him to pay for anything.

"I'll pay you back", she repeated determined. She really wanted to continue fighting him on that matter so badly, but she suppressed her anger, knowing he still had the upper hand. To stop herself from talking, she bit her tongue. He was civil with her, but when she remembered the way he had talked to her yesterday, how he had threatened to take Ivy away from her, she knew how fast he could flip. The thought intimidated her.

If their talk would have only been about them, about their relationship, she would have been more daring, fighting for her opinion. But she was protecting her daughter and therefore she needed to make sacrifices.

"We'll talk about that again", he brushed the topic off, seemingly starting to get annoyed by her being so persistent, "I want to be involved in Ivys life. If you need to make a decision about anything concerning our daughter, you talk to me about it, no matter how unimportant it might seem to you".

Rey pushed one streak of brown hair back behind her ear and sighed. There was nothing else to read in his face, but his determination to push through all his conditions. She nodded. Adjusting to co-parenting would be hard for her. She was used to making decision concerning herself or Ivy independently, not having to ask someone else for approval of her actions.

"I want us to eat dinner together on Sundays", he continued.

"What?", Rey nearly choked on her coffee.

"I think you understood what I said", Kylo looked directly into her eyes, "I know we aren't together, but I still want to know what is going on in your life, for Ivys sake. If you're stressed or unhappy, she might be as well".

"But can't I just call you?", Rey asked hesitantly. He had caught her off-guard with his demand.

"No, Ivy needs to see that we can act civil around each other, you said that yourself. Both of us will do so on these days".

His facial expression and the tone of his voice left no room for her to protest.

* * *

I only changed some things I didn't like, so this is a re-upload.

I don't know if I'll be able to post a new chapter tomorrow, but I'll update before Saturday for sure! :)

Thanks for the favs + comments! :)


	5. Author's Note

I still get so much feedback for this fic (and I'm extremely grateful for that), so I thought it wouldn't be fair to leave you guys hanging without any further explanation.

I'm not planning on continuing this fic (at the moment, at least), though it still holds a very special place in my heart and I'd love to revisit it sometime. The plot bunny for this fic has never quite left me but real life is hard and it's really keeping me busy.

I'm going to stop rambling now and just say **THANK YOU!** for following/reading/commenting on this story. It really meant a lot to me back then and it still does today.

My tumblr is froznjedi, if any of you want to come and talk to me about anything (headcanons about this story, real life stuff or just to scream about Reylo together).


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